The end of a era.

That's it, empty, all gone, what now?
Will it reopen we don't know, mean while my sculptures and some paintings are in storage in Alford. As for the rest they're in the spare bed room waiting to be logged and photographed, then put up on a website.
It was quite sad saying good bye to the other artists in the studios, we said we keep in touch, but shall we who knows. Most have got new spaces else where, I am waiting to see what comes up. The council seems to be saying we should be back in in 18 months, whether we do is another matter.
For my self now I'm out it would make sense to try and find some where nearer home, because of my health challenges.
More stuff has gone missing since my last visit to the studio. A inside job is looking favorite at the moment for the latest things. I have only lost a gallon of PVA glue and a canvas stretcher this time, but other artists have lost stuff as well. A artist put a chair in the passage to take to his car went back in his room for a couple of minuets and his chair had disappeared.
One artist was filling a van with what ever she could, stuff that other artist had to get back off her. This leaves a nasty taste in the mouth, I thought every one in there could be trusted.
At the moment I feel a little lost, the studio was where I was just an artist. It was where I could immerse my self in my art, and leave any worries or duties behind. But as funny as it my seem I think something good will come out of it.
So here's to the future and what ever it brings

Feeling sad

Sleeper iv 2004 fabric and resin.
The 9ft sculpture that had to go in the skip



I'm feeling sad.
I am or should I say, Andy and my brother-in-law John are emptying my studio tomorrow. I will have to be ruthless with some of my stuff. Stuff I don't need but have become apart of me, and my studio. Silly things like a part of a ex sculpture that was exhibited for the Vagina Monologues a few years ago. Two armatures for life size sculptures I was working on, and very sadly a nine foot, very dominant, figurative sculpture, too big to take away and store. Two large solid wood work tables, my easy chair and cupboards. Oh so sad. I will get over it but I,m not looking forward to going tomorrow, it will be so very hard. It was my space, where my creativity flowed and was apart of who I am.

Viv's got a distinction

Viv our eldest daughter has got a distinction for her Masters in Science, her love for lichen and all things fungi has paid off. What's fantastic is, that she did it in a year while suffering from migraines and she had a small stroke!
She applied for a job in the research of lichens in the environment, last week, right down her street or wood or hill top.
Yaaaaaa, she got it and starts in December, at the Botanics in Edinbough.

Dressed and ready

A bad photograph of a detail of painting I've been working on today (4ft x 1ft) 30cm x 122cm)oil on board


Last night Andy was running through a presentation he was giving today at a well being day, for Life Coaches. He is the creator of a coaching module/program (I'm not sure of the correct terminology for it) designed for professional coaches, called WISER. He has coached me with this tool some time ago (over a year may be two) the session we had was very powerful and gave me strength to create through the challengers I have with health and self belief.
So I'm dresses and ready to paint. I have the paints out, I've got my painting clothes on, and now, I'm too tired! So I'm off to bed and see what a couple of hours sleep will do.
Can't sleep images of what I'm putting down on board are keeping me awake. I tried to meditate to take my mind off it and get to sleep, but no chance. So up I get and start finishing a painting that I started last year before I had a relapse.
God it feels good to get the burning desire to paint and get the images out of your head into reality. I might need to do some tweaking here and there, but I'm quite happy to say it's the first painting I done since last year.
When I finished I thought my head may explode, the pain from concentration was immense. I needed to put cold compresses on my head and neck and lie down. But this is the price I have to pay to create then so bee it. I can't not paint when the images are so strong. It's like ignoring a friend in need or unable to kiss the one you love.
It has to be done I'm unable to turn my back on it, I have tried in the past but that's not who I am.

Wedding Anniversary

34 years, we been married 34 years yesterday, I can't believe it! Time seems to have gone so quickly, having said that our wedding day does seem thirty four years ago though. I can hardly remember much of the day it's self. I can remember it raining all morning drying up just in time. Plus Andy's family all been in the pub when I arrived at the church, I had to go around the block three times before one of our friends got them into the church. We went on honeymoon that evening only to find when we were getting ready for bed one of my relations had taken out my hair brush and some how took Andy's comb. Not a big deal you may think, the only thing was our hair was very long and mine had been pin up and covered in hair spray. We were unable to buy a brush and comb until the following Wednesday, it was hell. One thing I do know is that I would marry him allover again.

Uncle Eric

We have been trying to see my Uncle Eric and Auntie Lily for the past 3-4 years. Finally we managed to get up to North Yorkshire to see them.
Uncle Eric is in his eighties, what a change since we saw him last. He has gone from a fit and active man, to someone who is fragile in body and mind. He seems to forget the most basic of things, we were getting seated for lunch and he seemed to forget how to sit, we had to tell him to bend his knees. It must be very confusing for him, plus it must be incredibly hard for my Auntie. How do you cope when the person you love is going through a confusing hell?
She looked tired but said she was very pleased to see us, and wished we lived closer. I said I wouldn't be much help, she said we always cheer her up. Having said that, she also said her dog cheers her up as well, when it cocks its head to one side as much to say whats up with you? We will try and get up to see them again very soon.

Catch up

One of the painting that was damaged but now ok.

Quite a bit happened around me over the last week or so. Andy has been decorating the hall way and stairs, they're a blog in it's self. Andy hates decorating with a Passion,or should I say dislikes painting quite a bit. He's painted the ceiling and walls, the wood work still needs doing. He's put down laminate flooring in the down stairs hall way (looks pretty good), this he finds he can do and almost enjoy. We haven't yet sorted out the carpet for the stairs and landing, we want a carpet with colour to it, but the shops seem to be full of beige and browns.
We had a busy week Viv, our oldest came to stay and goes back home on Monday we will miss her. It's nice to have her to our selves for a while, John brought her home as he had got a lot of stuff going on and she was unwell. Viv is doing a Masters in Environmental Biology, I think that's right if not I will soon find out! As I said she been ill (more on that later), she a bit of a workaholic and her dissertation is due. Our role is to make sure she doesn't do to much, it's been close but she been good and looking a lot better.
Viv suffers from really bad migraines that can leave her numb down one side and she finds it hard to talk. She has a lot of symptoms that are close to mine, so to rule out Arnold Chiari the hospital gave her a MRI scan. She hasn't got Arnold Chiari thank goodness but has had a slight stroke, probably in the last couple of months. I find this quite worrying but I'm sure if she slows down a little for now and her doctors keep an eye on thing she will be fine.
Moving on, we had some lovely days, last Friday Andy's sister Debbie came with her husband John and their two little girls Georgia and Bonnie. Of course Viv was here and just to make it complete our other two daughters Jane, Ruthie and our grandchildren Finlay and Amber. The children were a joy to watch, and the weather was good for a change. It would have been nice if Angie, Harry and our other nieces were there, but unfortunately that would have been too much for me. Since then I have been trying to recharge my batteries, and I am slowly feeling better.
A week last Monday we went to my old studio to see if we could clean up some of the vandalise paintings. Yes! brill five out of the six could be cleaned, one may need a little touching up but hay better than expected. The painting that had been spray painted stood no chance which a big shame, as it was the last painting I did and was very pleased with it. Hopeful I will be back painting soon, I'm thinking about it quite a bit but still waiting for the energy. It's surprising how much mental energy a abstract painting takes, even when I feel well for me, I feel sapped after it's finished, so intense is the immersion.

A teaspoon of honey might make the weight go down

I have been having a spoonful of honey every night before going to bed, this week up to now I've lost 2lb. Now I don't really now if it the honey or I'm losing weight by watching what I eat, like the chocolate lolly yesterday 278 calories or the Toblerone this morning 180. I went off my diet last week just so I could count my calories on a normal week. I have an average of between 1,300- 1,600 a day. I did have a spoonful of honey at night and lost one pound. This week my calories are around 1,350 and have lost two pounds, will it stay off I don't know. In the past I have cut my calories down and still didn't loose the weight, could it be the honey? Below is a article I found on the net.

Hibernation Honey Diet
By Ruth Tan

Ruth Tan runs the popular website Benefits of Honey which is an immensely rich, quality resource on honey and its benefits, and a plethora of ... ...
The recent revolutionary Hibernation Diet created by a British pharmacist and a nutrition expert caught my attention by making a powerful connection between poor sleep and obesity. It advocates incorporating mild resistance exercise and a healthy, wholesome, and balanced diet void of highly refined, processed foods such as white bread, pizza, burgers, chocolates, beer and sugar, and suggests taking a generous spoonful or two of honey at night, either as a warm drink, a smoothie or straight from the jar. This fascinating honey hibernation diet promises to help us sleep and lose weight at the same time by using our biology and working with our bodies, rather than against them – “recovery biology”. A new approach to fat metabolism, it requires no straining from aerobics exercise, no wearing out on a treadmill and no pounding it out in the gym. Sounds too easy, too miraculous or too far-fetched to be believable?

Natural honey when taken prior to bed is believed to be able to fuel the liver, speed up fat-burning metabolism, ease stress hormones and help us get a better night's sleep. This oldest natural sweetener also contains a wide variety of vitamins, including vitamins B6, B1, B2 and B5, and minerals such as calcium, copper, iron, magnesium, manganese, phosphorous, potassium, sodium and zinc, anti-oxidants and amino acids, the building blocks of proteins.

What I learnt about the Hibernation Diet is that honey provides a fuelling mechanism for the body at night, keeping blood sugar levels balanced and letting your recovery hormones get on with burning fat stores. This proposition that honey reduces blood glucose level was published in the Journal of Medicinal Food in April 2004. However, to most people, it seems to defy common sense since honey comprises two sugars, namely glucose and fructose in a 1:1 ratio. Moreover, eating late at night is often discouraged by many people who believe that during bedtime, metablic rate is low and the body cannot burn calories and would easily put on weight. Being a honey enthusiast, I naturally wanted to know more about how the hibernation diet works scientifically for the good of the body.

I read that when sugars are absorbed from the gut into the blood they are first absorbed by the liver, which is the only organ in the human body with the fructose enzyme to process this sugar. In the liver the fructose is converted into glucose, stored as liver glycogen or human starch, and released only if and when blood glucose falls.

Fructose also triggers the glucose enzyme in the liver allowing the liver to take in as much glucose as it requires. This has been referred to as the Fructose Paradox. In other words, fructose lowers the Glycemic Index of glucose; fructose enters the liver and opens the gate for glucose entry preventing a rapid rise in blood glucose. This natural blood glucose regulator found in fruits, vegetables and honey, regulate blood glucose levels and stabilize blood glucose to maintain a regular supply of glucose to the brain.

Some simple questions that the hibernation diet expert asks to check if the liver has fuelled up well for the night:

- Do you wake regularly during the night?

- Do you have night sweats?

- Do you experience acid reflux during the night?

- Do you get up to go to the bathroom during the night?

- Do you feel nauseous in the early morning?

- Do you wake up exhausted?

- Do you have a dry throat in the morning?

- Do you get night cramps?

- Do you feel weak in the early morning?

If “yes” is the answer for any of these questions, it could mean that instead of burning fat and repairing muscles, your body has produced a stream of stress hormones while you've slept.

The hibernation diet also goes on to explain how fructose in honey fuels the brain which is the most energy demanding organ, burning up to 20 times the fuel of any other cell in the body. We become exhausted after having to concentrate for a lengthy period. That’s why we often hear that mental exhaustion is worse than physical exhaustion. The brain needs glucose to survive, however glucose occupies a large amount of storage space and there is no room in the brain. And the liver is the only organ that can both store and release glucose into the circulation. This is why looking after your liver glycogen amount by ensuring that the liver and the brain are well provided for both in the day and at night is so critical. Any fall in blood glucose is detrimental for the brain. The adrenal glands to be activated and the adrenal hormones if overproduced can lead to conditions such as heart disease, osteoporosis, obesity, diabetes, poor immune function, depression and other distressing health problems.

What I find inspiring to read is that we burn an amazing 70% fat during rest, 35% during low level exercise, 20% during moderate exercise, and a low 10% during intense exercise. During sleep we should burn fats. However, if the liver is not fuelled prior to bed, we release stress hormones from the adrenal glands which raise our heart rate and blood pressure. These hormones instead of burning fat, degrade muscle and bone. The liver must deliver 10 grams of glucose every hour -- 6.5 to the brain, 3.5 to the kidneys and red blood cells. As the liver capacity is only 75 grams, most people go to bed with a depleted liver, activating the adrenal glands and do not recover. And if you do not recover you do not burn fats. The hibernation diet essentially aims to encourage people to reap the benefit of your body's own natural recovery system and optimize their recovery biology or fat burning biology, as explicitly termed by the author who believed that this diet is not only to a healthy weight but unlocking energy resources you never know you had.

I'm Back!

I'm back thinking of painting again, after six months of not knowing who I am. I'm a artist again! yes I am! and whats more my head is spinning with ideas. Working on the same interests but with new life, I only hope I have the energy. Yesterday a large order of canvases and oil paint arrived, this is very exciting.
At the same time my art is taking over my brain and giving me one hell of an head ache. I'm full of nevus energy, my adrenaline is giving me false strength, I need to keep an eye on this. Another question is, when do I allow my self to start painting? will it be counter productive at this time? should I wait until I'm a little stronger? Or will waiting cause more head aches because I can't let my artistic flow run wild? I think it's time to try and see what happens, may be work on a painting that still needs finishing. Or do I leave that one for now, and explore the next? I in a twirl.
One thing I do know it's good to be back, a artist again at least in mind and soon, very soon on canvas.

Frog Prince and the Lilly Pad

Photograph of Prince earlier this year.


This is the story of prince and the Lily pad.
In our pond we had a frog called Prince. I called him prince after the children's book, 'The Frog Prince'. A prince had been turned into a frog by a wicked witch, and must stay as a frog until a princess fell in love with him and kisses him.
Of course a princess did find him and planted one on the cold wet frog, (yes right as if, but this is a children's fairy tale).
Any way our frog reminded me of the story book I had as a child. Every day I would walk up to the pond to look at Prince the frog on his Lily pad, and every day he was there. Prince was as very tame frog, you could get very close and sometimes touch him. Our cat Leah some times would soft paw him into the water, too tame for his own good. A few days ago just outside our living room window, Andy found a frog on it's back, as stiff as a board. On close inspection it had some damage on it's head, a cat claw may be. Andy showed me the deceased, I said I hope that's not prince.
A few days has past since then, and no sign of prince. Did Leah do for him, or could it be Suzanna the cat from the house across? We will never know, I would like to think a fairy tale princess came and give him a great big wet kiss, and they disappeared into the sun set. What a mushy, syrupy end to a frog's tale.
Prince's demise does shows you how Darwin's theory of evolution is put into practice. A tame wild frog is a dead frog, survival of the fittest or in this case the scared!